Broken Pieces
by Sehrezad
Summary: With the abduction of Aimee Lynch, Derek and Emily have to face the past and a tragic event that had pulled them apart ten years ago. Based on "Mosley Lane" with glimpses of different events in the past  pre-series  and during seasons 4&5.
1. Chapter 1

**Broken Pieces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

_Okay, I know that most probably it'll seem confusing at first (I'm juggling with three different timelines here) but, please, give it a chance. It'll make sense by the time we reach the end. There are direct quotes from certain episodes in the story, if anything, that'll help you to establish the timeline. Also, the main plot is based on the episode "Mosley Lane" in Season 5 but I took the liberty and changed certain things in it._

_Spoilers for "Demonology" (4-17)._

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 1

"_Thank you," Emily told Derek, spending an eternity looking into his warm brown eyes while the only thing that remained to remind her of the outer world was the flashing lights of the police cars shining in those same eyes._

_She knew what he was about to reply. They'd already had that conversation._

"_Always," the man said with conviction and in a tone that left no doubt in Emily's mind that he was feeling the same way. He remembered, too._

_Still looking into his deep brown eyes, Emily found herself transported in time and space and, for all she knew, she wasn't standing on a street in Washington anymore but some other place… in a time long gone._

_She was eighteen again. She felt that life was a big cosmic joke and she would have really liked to laugh into its face if she hadn't been so damn scared. Life had a twisted sense of humor for sure, forcing her into a situation like that for a second time._

_It was snowing back then, too, and his eyes were shining with the reflection of the city lights. She could clearly remember that because she had spent an eternity looking into them on that street that wasn't in Washington, waiting for a reaction to the news she had just delivered to the boy she hadn't seen since the end of the summer._

"_Thank you," she told him back then, her voice filled with relief and some endless gratitude. She could never really tell whether she'd been in love with him that exact day._

"_Always," he told her without any hesitation and so much sincerity that she couldn't tell whether she had fallen in love with him that exact moment._

_But even if, in retrospect, she couldn't tell her exact feelings for the man, who was only a boy back then, now she was sure that she was in love with Derek Morgan and if anyone asked, she had been in love with him for ever._

_Derek __turned __away __at __last __and __Emily __was __left __alone __with __her __memories. _Always_, __Derek__'__s __declaration __echoed __in __her __ears __from __eighteen __years __back __and __she __had __to __realize __that __it __had __never __rung __truer __than __in __the __present. _Always_, __he __meant __it __with __the __same __conviction __like __all __those __years __ago._

_After all those years, after the losses he had to suffer, he still meant what he had said to a lost eighteen-year-old girl._

_Suddenly everything seemed so overwhelming, the past, the present. She remembered a fifteen-year-old boy who held her hand in Italy, being there for her, loving her and she saw the eighteen-year-old who held her hand in the falling snow, promising forever even though he himself couldn't grasp the enormity of it._

_Lost in the memories, her heart ached with so much guilt and so much regret that she could hardly find her voice when she finally spoke up after Rossi had caught her lost in her thoughts._

"_It's like the end of 'The Dead'… When Gretta remembers the boy she loved when she was younger… and she says… 'I think he died for me.'" And indeed, how appropriate that was to her current situation. But it wasn't only Matthew she had referred to._

He died for me_, __she __had __said __while __thinking __about __Derek __and __another __cold __day __on __an other __dark __street. __She __knew __that __she __had __killed __something __in __him __that __day __and __while __Rossi __was __quoting __James __Joyce, __Emily __had __an __epiphany._

_She had killed his hope, crushed it on the pavement of the damp street and when she had finally turned her back on him and walked away, she had taken their "always" away, too._

_In the wake of her newfound revelation, she felt relieved when Rossi left her on the street without any further questions concerning her present state and she welcomed the soothing coldness of the falling snow as she began to walk in the night, remembering Matthew, Derek, and the loss both of them had to suffer because of her._

"_Emily?" She could hear the surprise in Derek's voice a couple of hours later and she didn't have to look up at him to envision the confused furrow of his brows as he walked up to her. She could just imagine how she must have looked all soaked through, shivering like a lost puppy on his doormat. She was actually sitting on his doormat, hugging her knees close to her body and resting her chin on them._

_She was physically and emotionally drained and it even took her serious efforts to raise her eyes at the man who was towering over her._

"_You never gave upon me," she stated in a low voice, still not fully comprehending the idea. Her eyes held his only for a second before they quickly shifted to a spot closer to the floor in front of her._

_Only silence greeted her observation, mostly due to the fact that her choice of topic startled Derek. The wrinkles on his forehead deepened but then they disappeared. Emily saw none of it, though; she could only hear when he finally moved. Not long after that he appeared in her line of vision as he took his seat opposite to her on the doormat._

"_No, I didn't." His voice was, like Emily's, hardly above a whisper but like earlier that day, it held no uncertainty. He was always like that, so damn confident._

"_I left you," her voice cracked as tears flooded her vision._

"_That you did." Emily winced even though Derek's voice was without accusation or reproach._

"_You are not angry at me. You weren't angry at me." Her voice broke with her effort to swallow her tears. "I remember when we first met at the BAU, you were surprised but not angry. You didn't even call me on pretending not knowing you."_

"_I've never been angry at you. You chose to leave me, God knows why but you did. I was hurt when I couldn't find you after our conversation; I was hurt because you didn't let me be there for you… because you weren't there for me. But when I recall it, there was something in your eyes that night that made me accept your choice. And I've never given up the hope that you'd come back." He gave her a warm, encouraging smile and Emily found herself smiling with him._

"_You are one hell of a believer, Derek Morgan."_

"_Well, you came back, didn't you?" Although his tone was playful, Emily knew that doubts still lingered in his mind. They had never really addressed their issues, never really tried to understand what had exactly happened that night when Emily walked out of his life. Apart from a brief discussion back in Chicago - at the insistence of his mother - not long after Emily had joined the BAU, they had never brought up the past. They agreed back then that they'd try to rebuild their relationship and they stuck to that. They got to know each other once again and they became good friends. They became best friends._

_But she wanted more… she needed more. And it seemed that Derek wanted it, too. So she gave him a smile and nodded._

"_That I did."_

_The smile that Derek gave him warmed her heart like nothing else in a very long time and she welcomed it._

_Derek stood up followed by Emily's eyes._

"_Come on," he offered her a hand. "We should go inside." His voice was thick with emotion and that didn't escape Emily's attention, either. Wordlessly she accepted his hand and let him pull her up._

_Without any word they entered his apartment where an overly enthusiastic Clooney greeted them. A little smile appeared on Emily's face as she petted the head of the large mustiff who was over the moon because of the attention. Derek at last managed to drag him away and keep him occupied with some food._

_When he returned to the room, he found Emily exactly where he had left her. There were no words spoken as, for the longest time, they just stood looking at each other. They couldn't even tell who made the first move but suddenly they crashed in a fierce hug, clinging to each other desperately. Emily was crying again and this time Derek didn't keep anything back, either. She was back. She finally realized what he had already known: they can't get through it without the other._

_After their tears had dried, Derek gently guided Emily to the bedroom._

"_We have to talk," she looked at him. There were so many things left unsaid, things that needed to be discussed before they could go forward._

"_And we will," Derek reassured her as he went to get a T-shirt and handed it to her. "Tomorrow. Right now what we have to do is sleep. The last few days were trying and you need to rest." Emily nodded then started to get out of her cloths and put the T-shirt on. Derek followed suit and not long after that they were under the covers._

_Without giving it a second thought, Emily curled up next to Derek like the last ten years hadn't happened._

"_Good night, Princess," she could hear his deep voice as his arms pulled her closer to his solid body. She could hear Clooney settling down on the floor next to her._

"_Good night, Derek," she whispered already drifting off to sleep as she reveled in the warmth of his embrace. They hadn't talked about much she wanted to talk about and she knew that working out their issues wouldn't be easy but the fact that he had accepted her back into his arms spoke louder than any words. They can work it out and then they can move on… together. Always._

* * *

><p>"Hey there, kittens," Garcia's cheery voice reached Derek and Reid sitting in the bullpen even before the woman did. "We have a beautiful morning, don't we?"<p>

"Aren't we a little too cheery for a Monday morning, baby girl?" Derek frowned from his position on the edge of Emily's desk as Garcia made herself comfortable in Emily's empty chair.

"One can never be too cheery, my darling," Garcia grinned at the somewhat grumpy man. It wasn't a secret that Derek was an early-riser – a fact Emily constantly complained about – but it seemed that Monday mornings made even the living example of "morning person" less than thrilled about the day.

"I take it you and Kevin had a great weekend." Derek smiled at his favorite computer genius.

"Great?" Garcia raised an eye-brow. "No, my friend, it wasn't great. It was extra-hyper-superbly mind-blowingly fantastic." Derek laughed out, enjoying that his baby girl was so happy.

"Mind-blowingly is not a word, Garcia," Reid pointed out matter-of-factly, completely missing the point, for which he got a glare from the woman.

"Good for you, baby girl," Derek smiled.

"That it is. But it's not so good for you," she narrowed her eyes. "You don't look like somebody who had a terrific weekend."

"Oh, he had a terrific weekend all right," Emily's somewhat strained voice could be heard as she walked up to them. When Garcia turned toward her, she gasped and jumped up from the chair to offer it to her friend.

"Oh my God, Emily, are you all right?"

"I was until Derek fed me something that made me throw up all weekend." And indeed, despite everything, she'd been quite well up until recently.

"And here it begins again," Derek sighed dramatically. "I honestly don't think that it's my fault that salmon doesn't agree with your stomach," he defended himself. "And anyway, I thought that you like salmon."

"Whatever," Emily grunted, trying to sooth her still upset stomach. "It doesn't change the fact that I spent my weekend on the floor of the bathroom."

"I told you I'd make it up to you."

"Oh, you will… but not by cooking."

"You should go home, Emily," Garcia voiced her concern as soon as she got the chance to speak up.

"Don't worry, PG. I feel better than I look. I should be over it soon."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"And you, Derek Morgan," she turned to her friend with a warning look. "If you ever try to poison my little cupcake again, you have to deal with me."

"I give up," Derek rolled his eyes exasperatedly while he stood up and, after collecting his things, started toward his office. He didn't get far, however, when JJ appeared.

"You know, JJ," Emily looked at the woman. "I really don't like when you're walking with that expression on your face."

"What expression?"

"The sorry-guys-but-we've-got-a-case expression," Derek clarified as he walked back to the little group and stopped next to Emily. JJ didn't say anything but distributed the folders among the others with an apologetic look.

"We've got to be quick," she told them.

"Child abduction," Reid opened the file. Derek's glance quickly found Emily.

"Yep, we are leaving in fifteen minutes. Briefing's on the plane." At that everybody began collecting their things and was ready to go in no time.

"Where are we going?" Emily asked in an unemotional tone as she, Derek and Reid walked out with JJ.

"Chicago," the blond woman replied before turning toward her office. Emily's steps visibly slowed and only Derek's hand on the small of her back kept her moving forward.

**TBC**

_Thanks for reading!_


	2. September, 2000

**Broken Pieces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

_Thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate them. Here is the next chapter._

_Enjoy!_

September, 2000

Emily paid no heed to the persistent rain as she walked towards the diner where the cops of the precinct usually gathered to eat. She passed a group of teenagers who gathered under a recess of a building and she could hear their merry banter as they shared a cigarette. They couldn't be anywhere near to the legal age to smoke, Emily noted as she crossed the road. "When did she get that old?" she wondered bitterly. It wasn't that long ago that she had done the same, mostly alone though.

It had been a while since she thought about that part of her life and yet, recently it seemed that it was coming back to her more and more frequently. Thinking about the things she had given up years ago only made her feel guilty, though. Things just couldn't be undone. And she was all right with it. She didn't regret any decisions she had made. In the last years she had built a life; she had built a family… and she had been happy in that life. She wanted that life back.

But things couldn't be undone…

She had spent the last months stuck in time. Since the disappearance of her little girl, every day was the same: the same stabbing pain in her heart, the same torturing guilt and the unbearable hopelessness. She wanted to give in to them; she wanted to give in to the darkness that was calling her day after day... she wanted to stop going on and let the pain consume her. It would have been easy… to give up everything... but it wouldn't be her. She was a fighter and she knew that she should fight. But there was only one way to do that…

The diner was almost empty when Emily pushed its door open and entered. She spotted Derek by a table in the back and made her way towards him, shedding her soaked jacket on the way.

"Hey," she greeted him with an awkward smile and settled down into the chair facing him.

"Hey," the smile she got in return was warm, though tentative. Lately it had been hard to decide how to approach the other. Derek felt Emily slipping away from him and he was determined not to allow that to happen. However, it was difficult to keep up the old ways when the woman you lived with was not the same woman you had spent the last eight years of your life.

"I talked with Detective Petersen today," he told her carefully. Lately the mere mention of the name of the lead detective on their daughter's case made Emily snap. He wished he would know what was on her mind. "She told me not to…"

"Don't," Emily warned him, her expression hardening reflexively. Just as quickly though she lost the will to fight and her expression softened into a pleading look. "Please, just don't." She was so tired.

"And what exactly do you mean by 'don't?" Derek snapped, disregarding the urge to go over to her and take her into his arms when he saw her recoil, and instead he concentrated on his frustration towards her. When had she become that uninterested in their daughter's case? "Don't follow the investigation?" he asked. "Don't make sure that Cecily's case won't get forgotten? Don't do what, Emily?" There was no answer to his questions and seeing the tortured look on her face as she stared at a spot on the table, made Derek regret his outburst.

"I want to bury her."

Although her voice was low, it was steady and Derek heard it loud and clear. He couldn't believe it, though.

"For God's sake, Emily, she's not dead." Derek looked at her as if she'd been a stranger.

"Don't tell me that," she returned the look with anger and determination in her eyes, once again finding strength in her. "It's been a year, Derek. The chances that she's still out there are practically nonexistent and you know that."

"No, no, no…"

"Derek, please…"

"You can't have a funeral without a body," he protested. "You can't honestly believe her dead until she's found. Emily, for all we know, tomorrow there will be a break in the case, maybe…"

"Derek," Emily reached over the table to squeeze his hand. For a moment they froze, the contact surprising them both but then Emily raised pleading eyes at him. "I've lived this last year waiting for a tomorrow that never came."

"And we'll continue so until Ceci is home once again. We will find her, Emily." He couldn't accept any other option.

She shook her head sadly. They both knew that it was only a question of days and the official report would come out that Cecily Morgan was presumed dead. It would have been done a lot sooner if it hadn't been for Derek. No matter how many times Detective Petersen promised to continue the investigation, official report or not; no matter how hard Derek was denying the truth, Emily knew that she couldn't go on waiting for a miracle that would never happen.

"I want to have a service, Derek. I want to say goodbye to my daughter and I want my family to say goodbye to her, then let Ceci rest in peace."

"How could she rest in peace when she is out there?" Emily knew that not knowing what had happened to their daughter was killing Derek. It was killing her, too. That was why she needed to say goodbye to her. If only Derek could understand that.

"Then let her memory rest."

"You can't just have a service then go and forget about it all." Stunned silence followed Derek's outburst which was only broken by the scratch of Emily's chair as she stood up and, grabbing her jacket, silently left the diner.

"Damn," Derek muttered then stood and followed Emily. It was dark outside and the rain kept pouring down. She spotted Emily walking down the street and he ran after her. "Emily! Stop, please. Emily!" He caught up with her and stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. He recoiled though when he saw the expression she wore. He knew that the hurt she'd been carrying in the last months was eating away her soul but he had never seen it so clearly than now. It seemed that she'd nothing left but anger and that was what made her dull eyes shine once again. Derek shivered.

However hard he had tried to convince himself that things could go back as they were, at that moment he could clearly see that nothing would ever be as it used to be. Emily was ready to give up. And she was asking him to do the same. But how could he? How could he give up the hope that one day he would hold his baby girl in his arms again?

"I will never forget her," she told him in a leveled tone. The rain was falling so heavily that it was impossible to tell but he knew that she was crying.

"I know," he whispered. "But you can't just give up. We have to hope that we'll find her. I have to hope because if I don't, I don't now what to do." His tone was desperate and full of pain. He had never let Emily see that side of him. It was difficult enough for her not to break without him burdening her with his own hurt and fears. But now he hoped that it would help make her see just how much he needed to believe. And how much he needed her to believe, too.

Something shifted in her eyes as they lost their spark once again. In the pouring rain, soaked to the bones, she looked so small… so defeated.

"I can't," she breathed, clearly torn. "I… I have to…" Derek kept his eyes locked with hers waiting for her to find words for something that simply couldn't be put into words. He watched as she lost the battle. "Maybe it would be for the best if I go," she stated finally then with a last lingering look she turned and walked away.

He let her go because he wanted to give her time. He didn't want to push her but wanted her to see it on her own that the only way to get through this was to do it together. They had to fight to get their daughter back.

When he got home after his shift that day, he realized that Emily had never been home...

**TBC**

_Thanks for reading!_


	3. Chapter 2

**Broken Pieces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

_Spoilers for "Omnivore" (4-18)._

Chapter 2

After the briefing and some quick brainstorming, the plane ride to Chicago was relatively silent. Knowing that a child was out there with only God knows who didn't really help the mood. It seemed that everybody was content to just sit with their own troubled thoughts, brooding on the what-ifs. Unfortunately there wasn't much to discuss which left plenty of time for brooding.

Child abduction cases were never easy and everybody took them hard. However, it was always Emily who seemed to take it the hardest. They never talked about it and they certainly never called her upon it. It was difficult, though, not to notice how her features hardened whenever a case came up or how silent she became during the case. Questioning looks were exchanged whenever she was reluctant to get in contact with the families and it wasn't always left without remark when she got too carried away with a suspect.

She always did her job as best as she could though; there could never be any complaint about that and if anything, she was always the most determined to solve the case and bring a child home safely.

Everybody on the team knew these things and they let it slide. She always gave her best after all and if asked to talk with the families, she did it without protest.

Without knowing the exact details, they understood her. Everybody got cases like that, cases you just can't handle objectively enough. It seemed though that it was Derek who knew the most about the reasons behind her sensitivity... or the anger that seemed to be driving her. With or without words he had always led her through the days of investigation and no doubt through the days following it. It'd been like that from the very beginning. First the profilers didn't understand the instant connection those two had and that silent understanding that seemed to have existed between them. Of course, now they knew better.

Maybe someday they'd understand what was driving her during these cases. Or maybe they'd never know why her eyes became empty whenever the picture of an abducted child appeared on the screen or why only her smile was sad whenever happy parents embraced their children.

Either way, it was enough to know that she'd do anything to know that a child had been saved.

**CM CM CM**

"Great," Emily muttered when she exited the SUV in the parking lot of the police department and saw the woman waiting for them.

"Please, Emily," Derek turned to her as he shut the door.

"Don't worry," she gave him an exasperated look. "I won't say a word." Derek sighed and started after the others. He had a feeling that this case wouldn't be easy. He felt just slightly relieved when Emily hung back and let the others take the front.

"Emma," Derek greeted the petite red-head with a warm smile. She was somewhere between forty and fifty but she certainly looked older.

"Derek Morgan, it's nice to see you," she returned his smile and took his hand into hers, squeezing it gently. Emily had a really hard time shutting up. "Sometimes you could pop in just for the fun of it."

"You know each other?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "We used to…"

"Work together," Emma helped him out. "So, let's make a quick introduction then you can start working."

"Right" Derek started. "Lt. Emma Petersen this is Special Agents Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Jennifer Jareau, Dr. Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia… and you know Emily." Emma gave a tight nod to Emily then turned to the rest of the group.

"I'm really grateful for your help, agents. My hands are full and this case really needs quick action. So… this way, please."

They were quickly led to an empty conference room where Emma assured them that they could have anything they needed for their investigation.

"I need internet connection," Garcia quipped eager to start working.

"You've got it."

"Thank you."

"No," the older woman looked at her and for a moment her eagerness vanished and only exhaustion remained. "Thank you," she said in a grateful voice. Her professionalism was quick to return after that and she looked at Hotch with the authority and confidence of a woman who was in charge. "If you didn't find me, talk to my secretary. She always knows where I am, even though most of the time I have no idea where I'll be in the next five minutes." With that she left.

"Well, this department is obviously understaffed," Rossi stated. "Poor woman looks like hell."

"At least she's got the good sense to give us the case," Emily remarked spitefully which raised a couple of eyebrows in the room.

"Emily," Derek warned her once again.

"Oh, sorry, I tend to forget that you are all touchy-feely with each other." Derek sighed.

"All right," Hotch spoke up. "We need to talk with the Lynches. They are still at the fair," he said, looking at Emily. He knew her feelings about talking with the parents of abducted children and she respected her wish to avoid those situations if possible but at the moment he had a feeling that he knew the reasons behind Emily's antagonistic behavior and he saw it best to keep her away from Lieutenant Petersen.

"I can handle that with Reid," Derek offered but Hotch shook his head.

"I need you two at the Lynch house. Turn it upside-down if you need and try to find something why Aimee could be taken."

"Hotch…" Derek tried again only to be interrupted by the unit chief.

"Go." Hotch closed the argument with a stern look. Derek gave Emily one last look then turned reluctantly and left with Reid on his heels.

"I'll go then and…" Emily started but Hotch shook his head once again.

"I'll take care of it with Dave," he reconsidered his previous decision. "You stay and help Garcia and JJ run through the reports of child abductions from the last year." Emily gave him a grateful nod then settled down to help Garcia, who had already set up her equipment.

"So what's up with that Petersen woman?" she asked Emily after Hotch and Rossi had left. "Did she sleep with your hunky boyfriend back in the day?" JJ gave her a look, telling her to drop it then she spoke up, "Let's get started, shall we?"

* * *

><p><em>Emily sighed in relief when she heard a knock on her door. Derek's behavior after his run-in with Foyet worried her but after he left off their conversation so abruptly at the house, she didn't have the opportunity to confront him. And maybe that was for the better. That was why she hadn't followed him when he left and why she had come home instead going to his apartment. She hoped he'd come.<em>

_She was by the door in a heart-beat and took in his appearance with worried eyes when she opened the door. She didn't have much time to do so, though, because a second later she found herself in Derek's arms while he kissed her like there was no tomorrow._

_It had been only two weeks since Emily showed up at his apartment asking for that part in his life she had left almost ten years ago. They had come to a new kind of understanding then, but the things Emily meant to tell him still remained unsaid. He didn't push her, though, neither emotionally nor physically, for which Emily was grateful. However, now that she could feel the desperation in his kisses and the tense muscles under her fingertips, she knew why he had come. And she didn't hesitate to give it to him._

_The door closed behind them and without a word, Derek guided her towards her bedroom, only letting her go to get rid of their cloths. When they landed on her bed Emily braced herself for Derek, knowing how much he needed to let go. She must have tensed because he stopped and lifted himself on his elbows._

"_Emily," he called her name and she realized that she had closed her eyes. "Look at me, Princess." When she opened her eyes, tears came unbidden at what she saw. "I won't hurt you." Emily managed a little smile with a slight nod. "God, Emily," Derek breathed and buried his head into the crook of her neck. "I'm so sorry."_

"_For what?" she asked taken aback by the shame in his voice. For a few seconds there was silence in the room save for the deep breathing of the man lying on top of her. Emily waited patiently for him, running soothing fingers on his bare back. Finally he raised his head and looked in her eyes._

"_I didn't want our first time to be this way," he explained, shifting his weight and gently cupping her cheek. "I… I just wanted to feel you… to know that you are here… that you are all right." He closed the distance between them and rested his forehead against hers. "Just wanted to be with you."_

_"That's okay," Emily hushed, bringing a hand to his cheek to make him look at her. "I want to be with you, too," she reassured him. "Make love to me, Derek."_

_He didn't have to be asked twice._

_Later, when Emily was lying in Derek's arms, she wondered how strange life was. They had been together for eight years, they shared a life, they created a new life together and yet, she had never felt so close to the man holding her like she felt at that moment. She knew that they had shared something special when they were younger but she felt that what they had now was something else… something stronger._

"_It wasn't the fact that Foyet could have killed you that got to you so much today, was it?" Her silent question was greeted by long silence but Emily waited patiently._

"_It could have been you, Emily." She could feel his hold tighten around her and she understood. She understood because it was sheer panic that had taken hold of her when she heard what happened. It was hard not to scream at Rossi and tell him to step on that gas-pedal even though he'd been already driving way over the speed-limit. She could feel her heart beating frantically in her throat as she ran up the stair and only after seeing Derek sitting with the paramedic, breathing, was she able to compose herself and put her professional mask back in place. _

"_But it wasn't me," she raised herself on her elbow and looked into Derek's face. "Don't do this to yourself." Derek wanted to say something but Emily stopped him with a finger on his lips. She knew that dwelling upon things that had not happened didn't do any good for anybody. "Listen to me, Derek. If we want this to work between us, we have to accept that our job is dangerous and anything can happen to any of us. You can't let it affect you."_

"_How do you think I got through the last couple of years?" He asked after kissing her finger._

"_Then don't start worrying about me now."_

"_I'll always worry about you." Emily rolled her eyes._

"_I really hope that you have something else to say to Hotch when we talk with him."_

"_Hotch?"_

"_Yeah. You know that Hotch suspects that something's up, right?" The look the unit chief had given the couple in Foyet's house couldn't be missed._

"_It must have something to do with your mama-bear attitude back at Foyet's house," Derek remarked amused._

"_All right, let's make a deal, you'll stop worrying about me and I'll stop worrying about you. We've always been able to deal with situations like that, it doesn't have to change."_

"_No, it doesn't, I guess."_

"_Good," Emily nodded satisfied then settled down in his embrace once again._

"_I love you, Emily."_

"_And I love you, too."_

**CM CM CM**

_The next day found Emily and Derek sitting by their desks, throwing nervous glances at Hotch's office. They kept doing that for the better part of the morning and well into the afternoon when Garcia ventured out of her office to entertain her friends during their strenuous work of writing reports. She was in the middle of her babbling when Derek finally got fed up with their avoiding the unavoidable and suddenly stood up, giving Emily a meaningful glance. Getting the message, Emily followed suit and gave a nervous smile to Garcia and Reid._

"_Sorry, guys, but Derek and I have to talk to Hotch. Now." And with that they started towards the stairs._

"_Hey, wait," Garcia called after them with a grin. "What's so important that you just jump up and run to the boss-man?"_

"_Don't worry, baby girl. We just have to let Hotch know that Emily and I are together," Derek answered absentmindedly, already concentrating on the task at hand._

_The grin widened on Garcia's face as she looked smugly at Reid, who just shook his head and opened a random book that was lying around on his desk in an attempt to block out any comment regarding the love life of his friends._

"_So they finally grew a pair and went to talk to Hotch?" Rossi smirked, keeping his eyes on Hotch's office as he and JJ walked up to the pair._

"_Oh, yeah," Garcia nodded. "Just wondering whether they'll tell him that they've just slept together," she mused aloud at which JJ snickered and Reid buried his head deeper into his book._

_Meanwhile in Hotch's office Emily and Derek took their seats nervously. The unit chief waited patiently for a couple of minutes but when it seemed that neither of his colleagues would share the reason of their visit, he took it upon himself to begin the conversation._

"_So, how long has it been going on?"_

_The couple shared a look then Derek gave an answer. "About eighteen years."_

"_Well," the unit chief was taken aback. "That was unexpected."_

"_Look, Hotch," Derek started with renewed determination. "We know that you're worried about the team dynamic and our ability to leave our private life outside the office but you don't have to. We've never let it affect our work."_

"_I have to admit that you lost me here," Hotch was clearly at loss for how to interpret what he'd just heard. "You're saying that you were together when Prentiss first came here."_

"_Not exactly," Emily told him. "We met eighteen years ago and we had a… thing," she finished uncertainly, not sure how to describe her relationship with Derek. "We just kind of rekindled this relationship a couple of weeks ago."_

_Hotch took a deep breath. The conversation wasn't going the way he had anticipated._

"_Look," he finally started. "I know you and I know your integrity as agents… and I certainly respect your right to a private life… and I am happy for you…"_

"_But," Emily prompted._

"_But I have to be sure that whatever happens out there in the field, you can keep it professional and not endanger the team. I know that this whole thing's not new. God knows you've been dancing around it long enough but seeing your friend take down an UnSub is not the same as seeing the person you love do that. Can you deal with that?"_

"_That's what I was talking about, Hotch. Emily's never been only a friend to me."_

"_I'm sorry, Morgan, but some teenage-love some eighteen years ago won't really persuade me."_

"_You don't understand, man."_

"_Then make me understand."_

"_Emily and I… we…"_

"_We had a family," Emily supplied silently._

"_You were married?" Hotch asked dumbfounded. He was quite sure that neither of their personal files mentioned that._

"_Not technically but close enough," she answered and Hotch couldn't help the confused frown that appeared on his face. "Look, we'd been together for eight years and when we met three years ago it just came back… there were issues that needed to be sorted out… there are still issues that need to be sorted out… but we know what we are doing and we can make it work. We've already made it work."_

_Hotch sat in silence while he pondered what Emily had just told her. It didn't really quell his worry. It might not have been a teenage crush those two had and truth be told, he trusted them to be able to handle the new situation - he just wanted to hear it from them. However, Emily's admition had raised another issue: that they had separated. There was something that had made them go their separate ways, something that had kept them apart for years, and more importantly, something that hadn't been settled yet. He couldn't help but wonder what would happen if those "issues" became an issue again._

_He cleared his throat somewhat uneasily._

"_What made you separate?" It was obvious that Hotch didn't want to ask the question – there was only so much reasons that would keep a couple truly in love apart. And he didn't want to consider any of them._

"_We lost our daughter," Emily almost whispered after a little hesitation._

"_She was kidnapped," Derek clarified, still not liking the finality in Emily's statement._

_A daughter, Hotch processed the information. That was another detail their files failed to mention. However, giving it a second thought, he didn't find that all that surprising. Ambassador Prentiss must have pulled a string or two._

_"Why isn't she mentioned in your personal files?" he finally asked and watched as Derek's expression darkened and Emily shifted in her seat._

_"Cecily," Emily told Hotch. "Her name was Cecily and it was me," she spoke up, throwing a worried glance towards Derek. "I insisted on it."_

_The palpable tension between the couple worried Hotch. He didn't need to be a profiler to notice that the decision to erase any data concerning their daughter had been taken out of Derek's hands. While he couldn't blame the couple for finding it difficult to cope after such a tragedy, now he couldn't afford to be their friend; he had a team he was responsible for. "Derek?"_

_"I don't know what to say," Derek shook his head. "Elizabeth didn't give me much of a choice when she called me about Emily's decision."_

_Hotch was about to speak up and share his doubts but Emily beat him to it as she turned to Derek._

_"I'm sorry, Derek. I don't even know why I wanted it in the first place... I guess I just wasn't ready to answer any questions... Either way, it was unfair to you and I'm sorry for that."_

_For a moment Hotch didn't know what to do with the scene playing out in front of him. The fact that two of his agents started such a private conversation startled him but he quickly realized that it was a good thing. However uncomfortable it made him to be the third man in the room, it gave him a chance to see for himself what he wanted to hear from his colleagues. And he wasn't disappointed. Derek slowly reached over and took Emily's hand into his, squeezing it gently, reassuringly._

_"That's all right," he gave her a small smile which Emily returned._

_For the longest time Hotch was regarding them then gave them a decisive nod._

"_I trust you," he said finally._

"_Thank you," Emily breathed then she stood followed by Derek, who offered his hand to the unit chief._

_"Thank you," he told him and shook his hand gratefully._ _"And,_ _Hotch... We'd be grateful if you didn't mention our daughter to the others. There's still a lot to deal with..."_

"_Of course. And... I'm sorry for your loss."_

_The couple nodded then they left._

"_That went well," Emily stated sarcastically when they closed the door behind them._

"_Oh, just wait for Garcia's reaction and you'll wish to be sitting back in there," Derek laughed as he watched Garcia run up the stairs. Emily groaned._

**TBC**

_Thanks for reading!_


	4. May, 1999

**Broken Pieces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

_Here is a little family time with both the Morgan and the Prentiss family. I had fun with them and I hope you'll like them, too._

_Enjoy!_

May, 1999

"Mommy, mommy, mommy…" Emily smiled when she heard her daughter calling for her. She abandoned looking for a top and stuck her head out of the room. It was a beautiful spring morning and the family was preparing for a little party to celebrate Cecily's birthday.

"I'm here, baby," she had just caught the attention of the eight-year-old as she reached the top of the stairs. The little girl ran up to her, her long, light brown hair dancing around her face.

"Grandpa Rob and Grandpa Frank are here," she announced happily but then her features turned serious. "But you're not dressed," she stated, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head to the side.

"That's very perceptive of you, sweetheart," Emily deadpanned, given that she was standing there in a pair of black jeans and her bra. "Come on, I'll get in a top then we can go down and say hi."

"Can I get you one?" The little girl's blue eyes lit up.

"Of course," Emily smiled at her then gently guided her into to the room. "Come on now, move it."

"Dad," Emily descended the stairs not so long after that, wearing a pale yellow dress she hadn't even known about with a sweater on top. She felt strange in the garment that was a far-cry from her usual dark clothing but Cecily insisted and she caved.

"Look at you, little nugget," the large, bald man looked at his daughter and caught her when she threw herself into his arms. At first sight Robert Prentiss might seem quite an intimidating person with his large frame clad in black leather and with tattoos covering his body but Emily was sure that he was the most kindhearted person on Earth. "Ah, Emily. I missed you." He squeezed her affectionately then loosened his hold to look at her.

"I missed you, too." Emily smiled then turned to Frank who had got hold of Cecily. "You, too, Frank." She gave a warm smile to the man who had become like a second father to her during the years she'd known him. As opposed to her dad's eccentric choice of clothing, Frank looked charmingly handsome in khaki pants and a light sweater.

"It's good to see you, Emily," the tall thin man kissed her on the cheek then adjusted his hold on his granddaughter. "God, Emily. Where did you get that girl?"

"Oh, come on, Frank, not again," Rob nudged his partner. The look of their granddaughter was an always recurring subject – some kind of running joke, and for one, it never ceased to amaze Frank.

"I think they brought the wrong baby home from the hospital," he joked and tickled Cecily who laughed joyfully.

"That's not true," Cecily protested, still laughing.

"Of course, not," Derek appeared in the door that led to the back yard. "You're daddy's little girl," he walked up to the group and claimed his daughter from her grandfather. He smiled lovingly at the girl and tucked a curl behind her ear. His dark hand was in sharp contrast with Cecily's light, porcelain skin. "But you're right, Frank. If she didn't look the spitting image of my mom, I'd be really worried." He gave a cheeky smile to Emily.

"All right," she spoke up. "That's quite enough. You keep it up and my daughter will think that she was found on the doorstep."

"But you said I came from your tummy."

"Thank you, everyone," Emily sighed exasperatedly while the men just laughed. Apparently Ceci missed the joke because she looked quite confused.

"That's right, baby girl, you came from mommy's tummy," Derek informed her daughter. Her little features turned contemplative and Emily instantly knew what would come next.

"And that's the point when I go and check on the girls," Emily quickly spoke up, trying to avoid being stuck in the situation the men would surely find themselves very soon. "Just remember that she's only eight." With that she left the men standing there confused.

"What's the quick retreat for, Emily?" Frank called after her.

"Just wait and see…" Emily told him without turning back. "…or hear," she added, murmuring under her breath and a full-blown grin appeared on her face as she could hear Ceci posing the question: "How did I get there?"

"What's with the evil grin?" Sarah asked as she was chopping vegetables by the table in the back yard.

"Just the guys digging themselves into a hole," she informed the girls. "So where can I help?"

"Here," Desiree exclaimed and promptly pushed a bowl into Emily's hands. "What? I've just have my nails done," she exclaimed when she got a disapproving look from her mother.

"That's all right," Emily smiled and Desiree sighed in relief then started towards the house, offering to set the table instead of kneading the dough for the milk loaf. Emily made a quick job with the kneading then left the dough to rise. In the meanwhile the boys came out to greet the others. Emily, noticing Derek's guilty look, wondered what they could have possibly answered to Cecily when the little girl ran out of the house with a puppy on her heels.

"What the hell is that?" Emily asked.

"Mommy, see what I got from Grandpa Rob and Grandpa Frank for my birthday." With that she slumped to her knees and hugged the pup who was happily wagging its tail. Emily looked at Derek, who just shrugged then turned her attention to her father, noticing his smug expression.

"What the hell is that?" she repeated her question, this time more pointedly.

"That's Clooney," the man announced proudly.

"Is that a mastiff?" What was her father thinking?

"A bullmastiff."

Emily groaned then narrowed her eyes at her father. That was the point when Frank decided to silently skip off and join Fren and her girls.

"This thing will be bigger than my daughter in a few weeks," Emily remarked dryly.

"That's the point, little nugget," Rob laughed heartily, pulling his reluctant daughter close to him. "All right, when does Lizzie arrive?"

"Oh no," Emily exclaimed, pulling out of his father's embrace. "Don't dodge the subject, dad. What is Ceci supposed to do with that dog?" They looked at the happy child.

"Love it," Rob shrugged.

"Oh, that'd be all great and everything," she agreed sarcastically. "Why didn't you get her a chiwawa then?"

"That's not a dog," Rob frowned.

"Derek," Emily turned to the man for help but for her dismay, she found him gone. He was sitting on the grass with dog in his lap and Ceci laughing next to him. "Derek! A little help here?" With a sheepish look Derek stood up and with the puppy in his hands, he walked up to Emily.

"Isn't he cute?" he asked completely smitten by baby Clooney.

"You can't possibly be considering keeping it."

"Why not?"

"Yes, mommy, why not?"

"Don't worry, Emily" Derek said, assuming a more serious face, "this breed is very good with kids. And anyway," his playful smile reappeared quickly, "you can't just say no to a face like this." And with that Derek turned the dog's wrinkled face toward Emily while giving her his own puppy-dog eyes. With a sigh, she turned to her daughter, who was sporting the exact same expression so she turned an accusing glare at her father, who just shrugged.

"All right," she threw her hands up in defeat. "Clooney can stay."

"Great," Rob winked at his granddaughter playfully and watched as father and daughter quickly went off to introduce the little puppy to the Morgan ladies. "Now that we settled this," he turned back to his daughter, "when did you say your mother arrives?"

"Uhm…" Emily checked her watch, "in less than two hours."

"Then I'm off to pick her up." With a wink at her daughter, Rob grabbed her helmet then started towards his Harley.

"With the bike?"

"Of course. She used to love it."

Emily rolled her eyes in exasperation as her father disappeared from sight. He just liked pushing it with her mother.

By the time a quite smug-looking Rob and a rather disheveled Elizabeth arrived, lunch was ready to be served and while Ceci was still running around the yard with her new friend and Desi disappeared to talk with her newest boyfriend on the phone, the adults were quietly talking around the table.

Ceci was the first to greet her grandmother. She gave the older woman an enthusiastic hug and a big smack on her cheek before her grandfather scooped her up. Emily's greeting was more reserved. Although, after Ceci's birth, the two of them managed to put their strained relationship on the road to mend, there was still a long way to go.

"I can't believe you let your father come and pick me up with his bike," Elizabeth complained.

"You can stop whining now, Lizzie, and admit that you enjoyed it." Elizabeth huffed a little while trying to smooth her pant-suit and tousled hair but she could never really stay annoyed at her ex-husband.

"You're still insufferable, Robert." She let a little smile appear on her lips.

"And stop calling me Robert. I'm not one of your fancy friends, Lizzie."

"No, you are not, Rob," she agreed with a rare warm smile.

"You see? It's much better. Now, let me hear it."

"All right, it wasn't that bad riding on your bike."

"Can I ride on your bike?" Ceci asked excitedly.

"Of course," Rob agreed wholeheartedly while a chorus of 'no's echoed around him. "When you're a little older," he amended finally.

The rest of the day flew by quickly. Lunch was filled with the happy chatter of the family. However, it was mostly Rob and Ceci, who kept everybody entertained. Though Ceci took after her dad in her open personality, it was her Grandpa Rob she took after in her vibrant disposition. She was genuinely interested in everything and everybody, and she didn't hesitate to show it. Getting people to talk or laugh or just to be engaged in any way was a second nature to her. There was not a person who wasn't taken in by her sunny personality.

It was a wonderful day that came to an end all too soon.

Even though everybody had taken their share in cleaning up after the events of the day, it was quite late when Emily finally managed to turn off the lamp in the kitchen and call it a day. Desi was the first to leave to meet up with some of her friends but she promised to pop in the next day to chat a little with Emily. Then Sarah had to leave, too, because no matter how important the day was for the family, she still had a concert with her jazz band in the evening.

Finally it was time to get to bed for Ceci and after persuading the little girl that Clooney would surely sleep just as well down in the kitchen as he would in her bed, she went to get ready for bed. It took quite a while till Ceci was tucked in but Emily and Derek suspected that it was more due to the fact that the grandparents couldn't quite agree who to tuck in the little girl than to the fact that Ceci didn't want to got to sleep just yet. Finally the men won and while they prepared bath water, dressed the little girl and read a story, Fren and Elizabeth helped Emily in the kitchen.

By the time Emily left the kitchen, the house had become almost empty. Ceci was sleeping and Emily assumed that Derek was watching the TV in their room. She was surprised when she found her mother, who had been persuaded to spend the night, standing in the door to Ceci's room watching the little girl sleep. She was so engrossed that she didn't hear her daughter walking up to her.

"Mother?" Emily asked taken aback, and quite concerned, when she saw the watery look of her mother. She put a gentle hand on her shoulder to get her attention and gave her a warm, though little awkward smile, when the older woman turned to her with an embarrassed frown. "Everything's all right?" Emily asked as Elizabeth wiped her tears.

"Of course," Elizabeth answered. "I've just got lost in my thoughts."

"Birthdays tend to do that."

Elizabeth agreed with a little nod then turned back to look at her grand-daughter. "She's growing so fast."

"Don't even tell me about that," Emily laughed awkwardly. "I'm already fretting about becoming a grandma at thirty-five." At that the two women became silent, both of them thinking about their own mistakes and the choices that had formed their lives.

"Have I told you how proud I am of you?" Elizabeth turned to her daughter. Emily was so stunned by this unexpected compliment that she couldn't say a word and when a warm and sincere smile appeared on Elizabeth's face, she found herself completely flabbergasted. "I am proud of you, Emily." She told her for the first time in their lives.

"Well…" Emily was still lost for words. "I did make you a grandma at thirty-five," she finally blurted out. Truth was that no matter how well Elizabeth had taken the news of her daughter being pregnant at eighteen, Emily always believed that somehow she had disappointed her mother. Spending years going against her mother's will, this was the only thing that Emily still truly felt bad about it.

Elizabeth smiled.

"You did such a great job with Cecily. She is such a bright and happy little girl. I look at you when you're with her and I wish that I had done everything differently…"

"Mother…" Emily began reaching out to the older woman but suddenly she found that she couldn't say anything. Since becoming a mother herself, she thought about it, too, and while she could understand the reasons behind her mother's actions, she couldn't help the feeling of abandonment that accompanied her through her childhood.

"It is all right, Emily," she gave her a sad smile, squeezing her daughter's hand on her shoulder. "Even if I wasn't able to give you anything, you could learn from my mistakes. That has to count for something, right? Good night, Emily."

Emily watched as her mother walked up to her door but before she would have gone in, she stopped her. Elizabeth turned back to her with sad eyes. Emily hesitated a little before she spoke up.

"I love you." The words spoken in a low, hesitant voice hung in the air and Elizabeth's eyes once again glistened with tears. A small, grateful smile appeared on her face which made Emily's eyes stung, too.

"I love you, too," Elizabeth said carefully then disappeared in her room.

For a few moments Emily just stood in front of her daughter's room then went in and kissed the sleeping girl good night. "And I love you, too, sweetheart," she whispered then left.

Stepping into their room, she gave a small smile to Derek then disappeared into the bathroom to get ready for bed. She was just finished with brushing her teeth when Derek appeared behind her.

"So," Derek sneaked his arms around Emily's waist from behind. "What do you say, Princess, shall we do it again?"

"Do what again?" she asked putting away her toothbrush.

"You, me… and a baby…" he whispered into her ear in a voice that spent shivers down her spine.

"Ah, that," Emily smiled as she turned in his arms. "What brought this up?" she asked, sneaking her arms around his neck. She could guess the answer, though. It seemed that it wasn't only her mother whom Ceci's birthday had put into a contemplative mood.

"Don't know," Derek shrugged. "Maybe Ceci's birthday. I don't want her to be a single child… and she's old enough."

"You want to say that we're old enough," Emily laughed with a little self-irony.

"That too," he leant in to kiss her. "We are ready, Emily. We have steady jobs and we've just move out from my mom's place. It's just up to us now. And I'd really like it."

"I'd like it, too," she caressed his cheek lovingly and watched as a beautiful smile lit up his face. It quickly turned mischievous, though when he leant in to nuzzle her neck.

"So…" he began, pulling Emily close to his body. "Shall we start on it?" he asked in a husky voice.

"Absolutely not," Emily exclaimed and pushed him away playfully. "I won't start making babies with my mother in the next room."

"Killjoy," he pouted theatrically as they left the bathroom.

"Well, live with, buddy, you're stuck with me."

**TBC**

_Thanks for reading!_


	5. Chapter 3

**Broken Pieces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If there are lines that sound familiar, it's because they are - you have already heard them. I don't own them, either._

_Sorry for the long wait. I hope there are still some of you who are following this story._

_Spoilers for "A Shade of Gray" (4x21)_

Chapter 3

_It was late at night but Emily and Derek were still awake, sitting in the living-room of Derek's apartment. Emily was sitting on the couch, positioning herself comfortably against the armrest and resting her right side against the back of it. Her knees were pulled up to support the book in her lap whose pages she turned with long intervals. Her left hand was held against Derek's chest who was sitting on the floor, watching a football game on the muted TV._

"_They were holding hands all the time… the Murphys," Emily broke the silence of the room. Apparently her novel couldn't really avert her thoughts from the case they'd just solved in New Jersey. Of course, it was difficult not to dwell on it when one was faced with the cruelty of a child. And yet, it wasn't what kept Emily thinking. "I confronted them because they were too supportive to each other," she continued as if talking to herself. Without letting her hand go, Derek turned slightly to look at her. She was looking at him. "Why is it natural for parents to drift apart and deal with the loss of their child on their own?"_

"_You tell me, Emily," Derek said in a low voice, void of any accusation. For a long moment Emily looked scared and when she looked away withdrawing her hand from his, he thought that yet again, the talk they had promised to have the night Emily came to him would have to wait for another time. However, Emily turned back to him._

"_I didn't blame you," she told him in a steady voice. "They say that parents usually blame each other but I did not blame you. You went to get those damn hot dogs. You couldn't do anything. Me, on the other hand…," Derek sighed when he saw the tears coming. "I was there, Derek, standing right next to her. It was only a moment… just one second."_

"_Emily," he said getting up from the floor and sitting on the couch, facing Emily, "whoever…," he stopped to take a deep breath as if bracing himself against all the memories and feelings that came rushing back with the mention of that day whose recall still made his stomach knot in nervous fear and made his heart ache, "...whoever took Ceci, they knew what they were doing. You couldn't have known."_

"_I shouldn't have let her hand go," Emily insisted, clutching her hands in her lap. Derek reached out to take them into his._

"_You can't hold their hands forever."_

"_I'm sorry, Derek," her voice broke as she uttered those words that had longed to break free from her chest for years. "I'm so sorry."_

_Derek's heart broke for the now crying woman. It had never even occurred to him to blame Emily for anything._

"_Emily," he started as he pulled on her arms and shifted so that Emily was half sitting in his lap, half leaning against the back of the couch. "That is why you left?" he asked in a low, hoarse voice, having a hard time not to cry himself. "Because you felt guilty?"_

_He felt relief wash over him when Emily shook her head against his shoulder._

"_I hadn't thought about leaving until you told me that we should never give up hoping that we'd find her," she sniffed burying her head into his chest. "I guess I was just waiting for you to leave."_

"_Then why?"_

_Derek could feel Emily taking a deep breath before pushing herself into a sitting position. She fixed her eyes on him then she started to talk._

"_That day… when I left, I made a decision. I couldn't live my life the way I had done in the year following Ceci's disappearance. The uncertainty was eating at me… and it was eating at you. I just had to do something… I had to let her go. Then you told me that you'd never stop looking for her and a part of me was happy about it – that part still hoped that you could find her. But the other part of me, it just realized then that if I didn't leave you, it'd just hurt you even more._

"_Derek, you have to understand that I had to let go of Ceci. I just had to move on because I had no idea how to deal with it. I felt as if the whole world had been closing in on me. There were moments when my fear of what might have been happening to her made me gasp for air and I could feel my heart twisting in my chest. Whenever I saw something that belonged to her, my heart was torn out of my chest. Derek, you told me that we should believe. I believed that she was at peace. I believed that she wasn't suffering and slowly I was able to make peace with losing her. Now I can think about her without bursting into tears. Can you understand that?"_

"_Yes, I can." He pulled her back to his chest and she went willingly._

_Truth was that he still felt hurt about her leaving. He so strongly believed in finding Cecily and giving-up was simply unfathomable to him. First he was annoyed by Emily's lack of interest in the investigation back then and when she stated that she wanted to bury their daughter the rage he felt was indescribable. Then Emily left and he found himself alone and confused. All he wanted to keep his family together but his life was falling apart around him without him being able to do anything about it. Emily's words came back to him. _Maybe it would be for the better if I go._ Maybe if he had done things differently, she wouldn't have left. Maybe if he had paid more attention to her and not get lost in his own endeavor to deal with his loss, they could have gotten through it all... together._

"_Emily," _Derek spoke up after a long pause,_ "did I let you down?"_

"_Why do you ask?" she asked startled._

"_I couldn't help you. I knew how bad you were hurting but I couldn't help you."_

"_You were hurting, too," she acknowledged. "All you did was focusing your energy on finding Ceci. There was nothing wrong with that. That was what kept you going."_

_"And that was what hurt you so much."_

_Emily couldn't deny that and they remained silent after that, realizing that whatever they'd say would only make them running in circles. Emily had buried their daughter years ago while Derek still kept in touch with the detective who'd been on the case of her kidnapping. And, although his calls became few and far between during the years, he had never given up the hope of finding Cecily._

_"What will we do?" Emily asked in a small voice. "We are exactly where we were ten years ago. How could we possibly work it through?"_

"_Well, we can start by talking," Derek offered. "You know what I missed during that year before you left? You. We always talked. I remember that you always told me when something funny happened during your day. I loved hearing you laughing. And I loved that you would come to me when something bothered you... or pissed you off. I always found it amusing when you just let out your frustration. And I loved that I could do the same. I loved sharing with you the little moments of Ceci's life you'd missed and I always loved listening to you when you related all the mischief she had done."_

"_Like when she decided to help me with the laundry and made all your shirts pink... not to mention that she flooded the bathroom?"_

"_Yeah," Derek laughed at the memory. "Or when she played dress-up and accidentally tore that necklace... you know the one with the thousands of tiny beads."_

"_Don't tell me. I swear I found beads in the carpet years after she did that." Emily chuckled a little at the memory and Derek watched on with a warm smile. "What?" Emily asked when she noticed his eyes on her._

"_Nothing," he shook his head with a small smile then pressed his lips against her forehead. "It just feels good to talk about her."_

"_I miss her so much."_

"_I miss her, too, Emily," Derek said pressing his forehead against hers as they settled into a silnce that held just a little less hurt than usual._

_Their silent reverie was broken by a loud bang as an old car came to life down on the street. Almost instantly hurried steps could be heard coming from the bedroom and a genuinly frightened Clooney appeared in the room. Without wasting any time, he jumped into the lap of his master and with a whimper, he pressed his head into the crook of Emily's neck._

_Too surprised to react in any way, Emily brought her arms around the huge dog as they both shifted under the weight of the mastiff._

_"Some watchdog you are," Derek muttered under his breath as he tried to find a comfortable position under the additional weight while Emily looked on amused holding onto the trembling dog._

_"Isn't he cute?" Emily asked laughing at Derek's expression, remembering the day when Derek was holding baby Clooney in his hands asking her the same question. It was such a long time ago._

_"Hah," Derek chuckled unamused. "He is 130 pounds of cuteness." He gave up protesting though when he saw Emily's twinkling eyes. He lifted an arm to put it around her shoulders and pulled her closer, pressing his lips into her hair._

_For a few minutes Emily hushed Clooney but then again, silence settled on the room as Clooney fell asleep and his human companions got lost in their own thoughts._

"_Why did you leave Chicago?" Emily asked after a long pause, not moving from her position against his chest. "I mean you so believed that Ceci would come back…"_

_Derek sighed._

"_That was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. You'd been gone for more than a year by then, Ceci had been missing for almost three. One day I woke up and realized that I hadn't been to see Emma about the case in a week. It made me realize that no matter what I do, I had already done everything I could… Then I met Gideon on a case in Chicago and it gave me push… Next thing I knew I was giving in my application to the FBI Academy and I guess, life just went on."_

"_It did, didn't it?"_

"_And I'm glad it brought you back into my life."_

"_Well, you promised me always. I'm just here to collect."_

* * *

><p>Emily was staring at the screen that was displaying Aimee Lynch's photo with an absent look. Her mind was reeling and she was fighting a losing battle with emotions she had tried to suppress for years. Hearing the specifics of Aimee's abduction, she couldn't help but live through Cecily's disappearance all over again. It didn't matter how hard she tried to leave it behind, it was as fresh in her memory as if it had happened the day before.<p>

She tried to divert her thoughts about the past by looking down into the file in her hands when a woman walked up to her.

"Excuse me," she seemed uncertain and determined at the same time. "I'd like to talk to Lieutenant Petersen." And she certainly smelled like cheap alcohol and cigarette. Emily's stomach turned and she had to take a deep breath before speaking up.

"Can I help you?"

"Whoever took Aimee Lynch, took my son, too." The strange woman quickly answered and for a moment Emily's face showed abject horror. The same thought occurred to her just moments ago but as opposed to that woman, who was obviously eager to get any information regarding the case, Emily had been quick to dispel the thought as quickly as it had come.

Although she managed to school her features, she was too preoccupied to react in any way. Fortunately, JJ stepped up to the couple and without being asked the woman quickly repeated her previous statement to the blond agent.

"Ma'am, I'm Agent Jareau and this is Agent Prentiss. We're working on the Lynch case." Emily listened as JJ took over the conversation finding out that the woman was Sarah Hillridge and she'd lost her son eight years ago. His body had never been found and obviously the woman had never given upon finding her son. Emily could just feel her surrounding getting somewhat fuzzy when she heard Emma Petersen's name again.

That was all she needed for the heartache and guilt to retreat and unadulterated anger appear in their place. It was Emma Petersen, who had let down that poor boy and his mother. She didn't even take the effort to think over everything she'd just heard when she spotted the Lieutenant in the bullpen and she started towards her with a hard expression.

"So you're making a habit of losing children," she straight out accused the red-head in a tone that clearly stated that she was picking a fight.

"What are you talking about?" Emma turned to the woman with a dazed expression. Obviously she'd been deep in thoughts when the younger woman attacked her.

"I'm talking about all the families who are still hoping for their child to be found. How many are there, Emma? Are you repeating the same lines over and over again without actually doing something to find those children? Are you getting a kick out of giving false hope to parents?"

"Emily..." JJ looked bewildered as she tried to calm Emily down.

"That's all right Agent Jareau," Emma interrupted her then turned to Emily. "I'm trying to do my best here, Emily. And I certainly won't apologize for the way I do my job." Emily scoffed but Emma looked unfazed. "You know the procedure regarding child abduction... you know the 24 hours deadline... I can assure you that every single person here does their damnedest to find a missing child... but we can't keep chasing ghosts... there comes a point when other cases have to take priority. And you know that. After that all I can do is to promise the parents that their child won't be forgotten... that we are willing to fight with them to bring them home. That's all we can do... and hope for a break in the case that may never come."

"That's what you told Sarah Hillridge, too? That you'll bring her son home? For God's sake, Emma, it's been eight years."

"Yes, it has. And the case file is still on my desk..." Emily laughed out scornfully.

"You're making the life of those people miserable just to prove yourself that you can close a case?"

"Emily, you're being unreasonable here," Emma warned her.

"Oh no," Emily denied although she knew that the older woman was right. She just needed a distraction from her unwanted thoughts and feelings, and unleashing her anger at the woman proved efficient enough. And she was clinging to that anger with everything she had. "You just can't accept that you had failed. And you're selfish enough not to notice how you destroying the lives around you." And now neither of them was sure anymore whether Emily was talking about the Hillridge case or about Cecily.

"Emily," JJ put a hand on her friend's shoulder taken aback by the hostility and accusation in her voice. "Come on, we have work to do," she nudged her to move which Emily did, reluctantly, then JJ turned back to the other woman. "I'm sorry, I'm sure she didn't mean it in that way..."

"Oh, she did," Emma gave her a shrug. "But she's right, you know. Sometimes you can't do enough." JJ knew the feeling all too well. "Look," Emma sighed heavily, "we shall go and talk to Sarah but you should know that she's really troubled. She's started drinking and she's obsessed with the idea of her son being alive. You should treat everything she says critically."

"All right," JJ nodded, "let's go."

They talked with Sarah Hillridge and JJ's heart went out for the woman, who was so desperate to find her son. Truth was that it was hard not to take her side and at least give a chance to her theory but JJ knew that it was most likely the mother in her that wanted to believe the other woman. She left Sarah with a heavy heart but adamant on keeping a distance with her case. She had to stay focused, she told herself as she went to find Emily.

She found her friend in the conference room just finishing a call.

"Okay, got it," Emily finished the phone call just as JJ entered the room. "Aimee's mom was distracted by a mother looking for her daughter," she turned to the blond woman, "and she's blaming herself for looking away." Not that she could blame poor woman for that.

"Wait," JJ looked at her without seeing her for a moment. "Sarah… Sarah said the same thing when Charlie was taken. There was a mother searching for her lost son. You think… You think it is a coincidence?"

"Or what?" Emily asked. Unfortunately, there were so many cases when it only took a moment. It didn't really mean anything, the sceptical and disillusioned side of her was screaming in her head. "A rouse?" She went along with JJ either way.

"A woman looking for her lost son, that's pretty specific, right?"

Specific. Hardly. Emily had been there. The same crowded place, that same moment. The blame…

"Add to that a target-rich environment with no security," she said against her better judgement. The chances that the two abductions had anything to do with each other were slim. And she might as well think that… No. She didn't want to go there. There was no point in clinging to some hope that was too high. "Yeah." And yet she found herself drawl her agreement.

"Okay." She watched as JJ's expression changed and she wondered whether that same side of her was making her want to help that woman that was obviously driving her friend, too. "So, if the woman was a distraction, who took Aimee? A partner?"

It didn't matter really what made her want to do something. She had made up her mind and if anything they would try to show some support and understanding to the woman who hadn't given up on her child. She really admired that in her, the strength to go on like she did.

"If it's the same people, they've been doing this for close to a decade." A decade. And once again, the thought attacked her: the same crowded place, that same moment, the blame... a decade.

"We should talk to the others," JJ stated and Emily could only nod. A look of understanding passed between them then JJ turned on her heels and started out of the room.

"I'll be right behind you," Emily called after her when she found herself unable to move. What the hell had she just done?

A crazy woman walked into the precinct with an even crazier idea and she dropped everything in a heartbeat and went against everything she believed in... against everything that had made her go on in the last ten years.

She'd just done what Derek had asked her all those years ago.

Once again the nerves made her stomach churn and, taking a deep breath, she looked around in the room. Her eyes fell on a couple of bottles of water and she quickly made her way to them, then, grabbing one and opening it, she took a large gulp from one of the bottles.

Leaning against the desk, she took another deep breath and scolded herself for the way she was behaving. She was troubled and unfocused and it would definitely not do if they wanted to find Aimee Lynch in time.

She knew that she had to give all her attention to the case at hand. That was what mattered the most at the moment. In the face of the disappearance of a little girl her personal feelings were unimportant. And as for Sarah Hillridge, if her son's case had anything to offer for their current case then so be it. She'd do anything to find Aimee... and she could hope that Derek would understand her reasons. Even if she herself couldn't really do.

**CM CM CM**

"I don't understand," Reid put his hands into his pockets with a confused frown as he and Derek left the Lynches.

"What?"

"Why a couple would fall apart in a time when they need each other. I mean apart from presumably being in love and promising forever to the other, they should realize that it would be easier for them if they try helping the other."

Derek chuckled dryly. Although a part of him was troubled by his own memories, he found Reid's line of thought amusing.

"Are you really trying to find answers to marital issues here?" Derek asked stopping by the car and watching the younger man getting around it.

"I just simply try to understand why, under extreme emotional pressure, couples decide to take a course of action that almost every time ends in separation whereas paying attention to the other's feelings and try to show some understanding would improve their situation in a great deal."

"You're telling me this?" he looked at Reid over the car. "Reid, you are one of the last persons I would expect to turn to either of us if you had a problem."

"I'm not married to either of you," Reid pointed out, opening his door and getting in. When Derek followed suit, he continued, "Being married... or in love presupposes a close bond that should provide comfort and understanding in time of need."

"Well, kid, if I didn't know better, I'd peg you as a romantic."

"I'm just curious," he shrugged.

"All right..." Derek sighed, stopping in mid-movement as he was just about to start the engine. He turned to Reid. "Emotions are complicated..."

"I know that," Reid protested.

"Of course you do. And you know, too, that our responses to different situations are complicated, too. And here I'm not only talking about one person's response but their understanding of the other's way of coping, too. I have to tell you, kid, love sometimes isn't enough."

"That's kind of sad," Reid lamented and Derek gave him an incredulous look. The young man's next question, though, hardened his features. "What would you do?"

"What?"

"What would you do if Emily and you lost a child?" he clarified, unwittingly stabbing a dagger into his friend's heart.

Derek turned away from Reid and started the engine.

"You know, kid," he turned back to him with a strained expression, "sometimes you can ask the stupidest things."

"Why?" Oblivious to his friend's discomfort, Reid didn't back off. "That's just a hypothetical question. You love Emily, right?"

"Of course I do," Derek frowned impatiently.

"And she loves you."

"What? Did she tell you this during one of your girl talks?" he snapped at him, putting the car into gear and starting back to the station. When no reaction came from Reid, he turned to look at him. That was when he caught his stunned expression. He sighed, feeling bad about snapping at the younger man. "I'm sorry, Reid. I just really don't want to continue this conversation."

For the longest time Reid regarded the older man with a critical look then nodded in understanding. There was genuine sympathy on his face. "I guess love really doesn't conquer it all."

"Life is not a cheap romance novel, kid. But love can do miracles."

"I know," Reid nodded convinced. "You are lucky."

Derek gave a sideway glance at the man and it was enough for him to realize that he knew. He sighed. "Tell you what, kid. When this case is over, you can pose that question once again and I'll tell you what I did." It was as close as he could get talkting about his daughter at the moment and he was grateful to Reid for understanding it.

**TBC**

_Thanks for reading!_


	6. December, 1991

**Broken Pieces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

_Wow, it's been quite a while… Thank you so much for sticking with me... and welcome if you're new to this fic. :)_

_Enjoy!_

December of 1991

Emily was walking through the isles of the supermarket pushing a shopping cart in front of her while Ceci was happily sucking her pacifier resting against her chest in a sling. Emily was silently humming as she browsed through the different kinds of cereals that were on supply.

"Here it is," she told Ceci in a conversational tone as she took a box of Froot Loops from the shelf. "Daddy's favourite," she said putting it into the cart. She was just about to push it and go find Fren when a voice stopped her.

"Oh, what a beautiful baby," a middle aged woman exclaimed as she stopped by Emily. "Is she your sister?" Emily gave her an awkward smile, not really liking the strange woman's attention, when another, older woman appeared next to her.

Emily's attempt at a smile quickly turned into a frown when she saw the cold, disapproving look in the older woman's eyes as she regarded her critically.

"Oh, Henriette," she turned to her friend. "This is the Morgan baby," she informed her in a tone that carried some hidden meaning Emily wasn't privy to.

"Oh dear God," the younger woman's hand flew to her mouth in surprise... or more like shock.

"Excuse me?" Emily looked at the woman incredulously, adjusting her old on the baby. The meaning behind her exclamation was loud and clear. "Who the hell are you to use that tone with me?"

"Show some respect, young lady," the older woman chastised her. "That's what you'll teach your child?"

"Well, we certainly know why society is where it is at the moment," the other woman lamented, shaking her head in disapproval. "Those kids don't know what responsibility means. They're just fooling around – drinking, smoking, getting high..."

"Getting pregnant," the older woman looked at Emily pointedly.

"They think that makes them adults," she continued with a mocking laugh. "And who will take care of the children? Their parents, of course."

"If the children are lucky," the older woman quipped again. "If it is up to the poor thing's parents, they'll end up running around on the streets doing drugs and God knows what."

The other woman nodded, completely agreeing with her friend. "I'm sure your parents are some hippies, too, and spent that time they should have spent by parenting, lying around not knowing about their world... and not giving a second thought about the child they made."

Facing the assault of the ladies, Emily didn't know how to react. Usually she wasn't one to let anybody talk to her like that but she realized that she had nothing to throw back at their biting remarks. What's more, she found that they were mostly right – well, except for that crap about her parents and in the back of her mind there was a retort ready to make them know that she had the most wonderful daddy in the world and she wanted to add, too, that he was gay just for the satisfaction of seeing their eyes bulge out of their heads but she was too shocked to disagree with them on that. So she was standing their trapped in the crossfire of accusations she herself had considered at one point or another and all she could do was to hold onto her baby and take whatever was thrown at her.

"That is enough," Fran Morgan appeared behind the two women, wearing a stern expression. She looked dangerous like a mother tiger ready to protect her cub. "You have no business sticking your noses into my children's life and you are way out of line by judging them," she stated stepping between the women and Emily.

"And I strongly advise you to look around your own backyards before throwing stones at my family," she continued not waiting for any reaction from the others. "Emily and my son are wonderful, loving parents and I can assure you that they're working hard to provide a living for their child; that's something that can't be said about your Bobby," she challenged the older woman. "How old is he? Twenty-eight? He doesn't know how to keep a job," she scoffed. It wasn't in her nature to judge other people and the way they lived their lives – that was their own business – but the way those two had treated poor Emily and the way they talked about her children, really pissed her off. "And what about your Annie, Henriette?" Fran turned to the older woman. "Isn't she a single mother with a new boyfriend every week?" she raised an eyebrow then scoffed when no answer came. "That's what I thought. Now, back off and mind your own business."

The two women exchanged a look then with a final disapproving look towards Emily, they scrunched up their noses and left with an air around them that screamed that they truly believed they'd been right.

Fran shook her head and turned to Emily. "Don't even listen to them," she dismissed the women with a wave of her free hand. "They just don't have anything better to do than sticking their noses into other people's lives," she explained, putting some vegetables into the cart. "I guess they don't want to face the things going on in their own lives. I wouldn't want it, either. I think Catherine's husband drank himself into an early grave because he couldn't bear her any longer. Poor bastard," she shook her head with sympathy then began pushing the trolley.

"It's okay," Emily said in a small voice, starting to walk next to her and still holding to Ceci just a little tighter then it was necessary. She followed the woman in silence a little longer then something occurred to her.

"I've talked with my mother in the morning," she told Fran, pushing the previous incident into the back of her mind. "She'll be back in the States for a week just right before Christmas. She said she'd come to Chicago... to meet Ceci... and all of you guys, I guess."

"That's fantastic!" Fran exclaimed enthusiastically manoeuvring the cart into the queue by the cashier's desk.

"Really?" Emily looked at the older woman taken aback.

"Of course, my dear," Fran looked at her with a smile. "We should call your dad and Frank, too. I think he said something about being around the Lakes during the holidays. We could all have an early Christmas dinner together..." she trailed off, something occurring to her. "That's it if your parents are on friendly terms."

"Actually, my dad and Frank are the only people my mother is actually friendly with," Emily remarked wryly. "Look, you don't have to do that. I'm sure my mother wouldn't mind meeting us in her hotel." Actually Emily was quite apprehensive about her mother and the Morgans meeting. Apart from Elizabeth Prentiss not being the friendliest person in the world, Emily highly doubted that she'd have anything to talk about with Derek's family. They were nice people – actually the most wonderful people Emily had ever met – but there was no guarantee that her mother would think so, too.

"Nonsense," Fran dismissed her cheerfully. "Your dad keeps promising me to visit and I would really like to meet your mother, dear."

"Okay... I guess," Emily gave in with a shrug, still uncertain about it but she had no more time to ponder it because Ceci began fussing demanding her attention.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Derek was pushing the stroller on the snowy sidewalk as Emily was silently walking next to him, holding onto his arm, obviously deep in her thoughts. It was peaceful in the dark park where the fresh snow muffled even the passing cars' noise.<p>

"Derek?" Emily broke the silence in a low voice. "Do you know why I stayed?"

_Where the hell did that question come from?_ Derek frowned, taken by surprise.

Coming to a stop, he realized that he had no idea. He'd never really asked her why she was so quick to say yes when he asked her to stay after she had told him about the baby. All he knew that asking her to stay and build a family together was a reflex. He would have asked any of his previous girlfriends if they had come to him claiming to be pregnant with his child. After all that was the right thing to do, right? Actually he would have asked Emily to marry him on the spot if the poor girl hadn't been so freaked out.

So many things had changed since then.

Suddenly a heavy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

"No," he admitted ashamedly as he turned to her.

"I wanted to do it right," Emily answered her own question.

"As did I," Derek added, smiling down at her baby daughter.

"What if we were wrong?" At her question, Derek's eyes shot up from the baby, who was sleeping peacefully in the warm cocoon of her blankets.

"Emily, I know that your confrontation with Mrs. Richards and her friend was... uncomfortable but they aren't right. Whatever they told you, they don't know the first thing about us. And they have definitely no right..." The defensive tone of Derek, put a little smile on Emily's face but she interrupted him with a little smile and a shake of her head.

"It's not about them... not really," she shrugged. "And anyway, your mom put those ladies into their places," she added with a small smile, recalling how Derek's mom had defended her.

"I bet she did," Derek grinned.

"She was really cool."

"Then what's bothering you, Princess?" Derek turned serious.

"I... I feel so uncertain," she sighed. "I mean look at us, Derek. What are we doing? We've just finished high-school. We have no money and that little we have, it goes for my tuition fee. And don't tell me that our parents are helping us because it only makes things worse. We are supposed to take care of this baby and not our parents are supposed to take care of all of us. What have we thought? We are just two kids playing house."

"Do you really think that?"

"I don't know," Emily answered desperation creeping into her voice. "All I know is that when those old bags were giving me the third degree about responsibility and staff like that, I was just standing there and all I could think of was that they were right. Hell, I almost apologized for having Ceci."

Derek watched as her eyes filled with tears and suddenly it hit him square in the face – he knew what was bothering Emily, what had been bothering her for a while now.

A year ago she'd have told the two women to take their opinion and show it somewhere the sun never shines. He remembered when she straight out sent an old lady in New Orleans to go and screw herself when she dared to call Emily a slut because she was travelling with three boys.

Now, she looked so unsure of herself, scared even.

The eccentric girl he had spent a summer with, hadn't been seen in a long time. She wasn't an overly open person by any means but if she really felt in her element, she was one crazy girl. That was what he loved in her so much – the spontaneity that would break free in her when she felt secure enough.

His heart sank. Emily wasn't feeling secure in her new life. And there was little surprise in that, he had to admit that. She'd just turned nineteen and she already had a baby girl to take care of. And if it hadn't been a huge change in her life, she suddenly found herself in the midst of a family whose members deeply cared for each other... for her. And though he was sure that Emily loved his mother and sisters, it must have been overwhelming for her to be in the centre of attention.

Derek supposed that with a mother who had spent most of her time away from her daughter and a father who – though he really loved her – was always on the move, Emily had learnt to keep to herself. She was a private person.

And that was why he appreciated it so much that she really tried to make things work... with the baby, with him and his family. God knows she could have packed up a long time ago and disappeared... with or without Ceci. What's more, she could have chosen the easiest way out and not take a responsibility on her shoulders for which she hadn't been ready.

But she did and she was fighting with herself – with life – every day. She was one tough girl who, he knew, wouldn't lose a fight.

But there was a price to pay for the victory, Derek, realized – she was losing herself. The confidence with which she used to tackle things and the conviction that she would tackle them had left her.

The promise he had made to her father when Cecily was born came to his mind. _You won't let my little girl stray away from what is really important is life_, Rob told him. He wasn't really sure that he had understood him... until now.

It was just a matter of time until Emily would shake herself and say that no matter what, she could do this. Derek just had to make sure that she'd do it right and not put the means in front of the goal. That was what her father had been talking about.

He had to ground Emily.

He had to get back that crazy girl... he wanted her to feel secure.

He wanted her to know that...

"I love you," he said after managing to arrange his thoughts.

He could see Emily's surprise in her eyes and suddenly he felt nervous. Maybe it wasn't the way to make things better for her. Maybe he should have waited with his abrupt confession and not burden her any further. But then he could see the edges of her lips twitch as she was torn between smiling and crying and then, finally, she threw herself into his arms and buried her face into his thick coat.

"I love you, too," she murmured as Derek pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you," he felt compelled to tell her this and Emily raised her head to give him a curious teary look.

"For what?" she asked.

"For letting me be a part of this," he indicated towards the stroller. "For having Ceci."

"I told you, I wanted to do it right," Emily pulled away suddenly looking tense.

"I know but you could have just as easily decided that you don't want any of thi..."

"No," she cut him off sharply and Derek frowned at her change of demeanour.

Long silence settled between them when Derek regarded her with inquiring eyes. Emily fidgeted a little, seeming undecided how to continue but then she straightened and looked him straight in the eye.

"I've been there, Derek," she confessed. "And there was no way I'd have gone down that road again." After her confession, she waited with bated breath until comprehension downed on Derek then willed herself not to squirm under his gaze.

To her utmost surprise, all Derek said was, "Thank you." And it broke her and tears began to stream down her face. She quickly found herself wrapped up in Derek's warmth and she cried like she hadn't cried since that fateful day. In that moment, she felt just a little bit more confident in life... in herself.

In that moment she felt secure.

**TBC**

_Thanks for reading!_


	7. Chapter 4

**Broken Pieces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

_Spoilers for "Hopeless" (5-04)._

_Thank you, guys, for the reviews! I'm glad you're so enthusiastic about this story._

Chapter 4

JJ and Emily were standing in the conference room facing the others. They'd just told the team what they learnt from Sarah Hillridge and when they didn't get such a reaction they'd expected, Emily raised the question of finding Aimee alive and the possibility of Sarah helping in that.

The look on the men's faces frustrated Emily. She could tell what they were thinking. Reid kept himself occupied by awkwardly fidgeting with his pen in his hands. Hotch's face was unreadable as usual but the look he exchanged with Rossi whose lips were in a tin line – obviously debating with himself whether to speak up or stay silent – told her everything.

And they all remained silent.

It was Derek, who finally spoke up directing his words at Emily. She looked at him expectantly, hoping that at least he'd support them.

"Look," Derek started, "we all think that Aimee could be alive. No one's giving upon her. That's why hundreds of volunteers and officers are covering every inch of the county."

Her expectant look quickly morphed into a disappointed frown that was just as fast to disappear, leaving her features professional.

"But they are dragging the rivers and digging up the woods," Emily pressed, bringing home her point that she hadn't been questioning the fact that Aimee was alive but rather she wanted them to consider Sarah's case. "That's not gonna help us if Aimee's still with the UnSub and she's still alive out there."

It seemed that Derek caught the message as he turned to JJ, "What about Charlie. Is he still alive?"

"Sarah believes it."

"Eight years, she'd been saying the same thing, JJ," Derek pointed out. It took Emily a moment to school her feature. Did he really say that? A part of her knew that he just wanted to make sure that JJ was really convinced but it didn't stop the anger rise in her. "Have you thought about why you were so quick to believe her? You think it might be because you're a mother?"

Emily hoped that her sharp intake of breath went unnoticed. When the hell did they switch roles? If anybody, Derek should be the one fighting for a chance to prove that Charlie Hillridge was indeed alive… to prove that it was possible to bring a long lost child home. And yet here he was playing the devil's advocate. Emily didn't really know whether she should call him a hypocrite or tell him that he was right.

"It's…" JJ hesitated a little but Emily knew that she really believed Sarah. "It's because another woman's just walked in here with the same exact rouse used eight years ago. I can't deny that, can you?"

"All I'm saying if we go from a single abduction to multiple abductions over ten years that changes everything. We all have to be convinced – that's what it is – based on an unbiased profile."

"Okay," Emily spoke up. She had decided. She wanted to help that poor woman but it seemed to convince the others, she had to resort to deceit. "Distraction of a lost child, eight year-old victims taken from public places with little to no security, that's not just the same rouse, that's a signature," she put the facts in front of the team. Then with only a heartbeat of hesitation, she added, "And I'm not a mother." She knew that it was as unbiased as it could get and if Derek knew otherwise, he wouldn't be the one to object. She tried to ignore the hurt that fleshed through his eyes.

"Charlie would be sixteen now," Hotch stated without the slightest indication that he disapproved of Emily's deception and Emily was grateful for that. "We all know the preferential offenders typically dispose of their victims before they reach puberty."

"Maybe he serves another purpose," JJ offered hell-bent on convincing the others.

"Aimee's mom said the UnSub was slight. Wouldn't be easy to keep a teenager under her thumb," Rossi offered still sceptic about Charlie's case but Emily had the feeling that it wasn't about discarding the idea anymore but about making sure that they had a solid case.

"Except she's had him since he was eight years old," she supplied thinking back to all the possible scenarios her nightmares had been filled with since Ceci's abduction. She hated considering the possibility of either of them but now she had no choice but to give voice to them. "By now, he's completely submissive to her."

"Keeping him could explain why Charlie's body was never found," Reid joined in.

"Garcia…" after a short silence, Hotch turned to the woman, his mind made up.

"Sir."

"Go back ten years nationwide," he instructed her while JJ and Emily shared a look, Emily doing her best to avoid looking at Derek. "Start with abductions and target-rich environments. Rule out any bodily recovery, dead or alive."

"I'm going to Sarah now," JJ announced.

"Good," Hotch agreed as JJ quickly disappeared then he turned to the others. "We need to check out Aimee's abduction site with new eyes."

**CM CM CM**

"Shouldn't we bring Barbara back here?" Emily asked feeling uncomfortable.

"No," Hotch answered firmly, seemingly unaware of the difficult situation he had put Emily in. "She's given us all she can. Let's go through it."

"Okay," she took a deep breath, steadying herself. She could deal with it. "She was standing about here. Right?"

"It's crowded," Hotch offered, "families all around."

Suddenly Emily was attacked with sensory inputs that could be perceivable only to her. She could hear the typical noise of places like the fair but somehow the smell of cotton candy and hot-dog was mixed with the smell of the animal dens nearby. She could hear the exited laughter of children running around while the parents called after them, all talking merrily with each other. She could feel the soft skin of the hand of the little girl who was clinging to her and she could feel the touch of the man next to her when he tried to get her attention.

"Are you hungry?" he asked and Emily nodded confounded. It was all too real.

"The UnSubs are watching, waiting for the best target."

Hotch's voice reminded Emily that they had work to do but she found it hard to concentrate as she ran her eyes around the place. She could still hear the crowd around her and the tiny hand was still in hers, and when she looked down at the little girl, her breath was caught in her throat.

The girl next to her wasn't blond but had light brown hair pulled into a loose pony-tail. She forgot to breathe for a moment and while Hotch was talking about Aimee wanting to ride a pony and complaining about her hat, all Emily could hear was the little brown-haired girl's excited question: "Can we see the butterflies?" Emily found her self nodding with a huge smile and the little girl's hand left hers when she began clapping in joy.

"Then she hears it."

Again, its Hotch's voice that forced her to leave her thoughts, but she found herself unable to get out of the world her subconscious conjured up. Not so far away, she could hear a woman crying for her lost child and instinctively, she turned toward the voice.

"By the time she turns around, Aimee's gone," Hotch continued and Emily's heartbeat sped up as she looked back at the girl but found her gone.

She was still in her fantasy when she started toward the imaginary woman.

"The mother who's just cried wolf, moves off," she said, anxious to get to her. "She can hear Barbara crying out for Aimee but…" she explains, finding it difficult to refer back to their current case.

"Aimee can't answer it because the UnSub has her face buried in his chest," Emily could hear Hotch as she was still desperately trying to catch up with the woman who took her baby girl. "To passers-by, they look like any parent carrying his crying child." _But it's not her child_, Emily's mind was screaming. "Thirty seconds later she's concealed in a vehicle and they are gone."

"Same one rolls up," Emily said riled up by the chase, "and when the mother's in, it's done," she said getting to a halt and watching an imaginary wan speeding off. "Who's driving it?" she asked desperation creeping into her voice.

"It took three UnSubs to pull this off," Hotch walked up to her, finally pulling her out of her nightmare. "If the same people took Charlie, we're looking for a group."

"If they have taken two or more children over an eight-year period, somebody must have noticed something." Emily was still looking after the imaginary wan, her heart thumping in her chest. If they could find somebody who'd seen something… if they had something to go on with… if they could find Charlie Hillridge alive… if he was still alive, maybe… No, she stopped herself. She knew she should stop it; she'd been resisting the urge to be swallowed up by the what-ifs for ten years, she couldn't start letting them take over now.

"Why don't they keep the victims hidden?" Hotch continued, oblivious to her inner struggle. "Once we figured that out, we'll find them."

"The UnSubs?" Emily asked pulling the walls back up again. She wasn't there because of Ceci; she was there because she had a job to do.

"And the children," Hotch added before turning and starting toward their SUV.

Emily lingered just a little longer, trying to get hold of her emotions and only after she'd managed to compose herself and swallow up the tears that threatened to fall, did she follow Hotch. Silently she walked up to the SUV and reached for the door.

"Emily," Hotch called to her from the other side of the car and frowned when he noticed just how pale Emily had become. "I'm sorry," he said, just realizing what he had asked of her. "I shouldn't ha…"

"Can we just go, please?" Emily cut him off weakly and opened her door to get.

Hotch followed her but took his time before starting the engine. "How did Cecily disappear? It happened here in Chicago, right?"

"Yes," Emily sighed, suddenly feeling really tired. "But it doesn't matter. It happened a long time ago," she said, conveniently forgetting the fact that they'd just extended the time period of the abductions to eight years.

"Look," Hotch sighed, determined to finish the conversation he'd wanted to start earlier. "I can't help but notice how difficult this case is on you. And I have a confession to make. I brought you here on purpose," he admitted and kept up his straight face as Emily's head snap at him. "We'd had numerous child abduction cases ever since you joined us and none of them troubled you as this one does. We're back in Chicago, I get it but there has to be more to it than that, doesn't it, Emily?"

There was deadly silence in the car for a long moment then Emily nodded, fighting with her tears.

That was the point when Hotch decided not to push the subject any further; he'd got his answers. "Talk to Morgan, Emily," he suggested finally. "It can't be easy for him, either." Emily gave him a warning look that wasn't really convincing with her teary eyes. "Or you can talk to me…" the unite chief offered, his features softening into a sympathetic expression of a friend. "Whenever you feel the need to," he added before pulling out of the parking lot.

* * *

><p>"<em>Oh, no… You screwed it up," Garcia stepped up to Derek who was sitting in his chair staring into nothingness with a troubled expression. The day before, when she confronted his friend about Tamara Barnes, she felt somewhat bad. She knew that she had overstepped her boundaries and was worried that Derek took it the wrong way. He said they were okay, though, and any other day she wouldn't bother trying those boundaries again but the expression on his face made her not want to back down.<em>

"_What?" Derek frowned, having been pulled out of his thoughts. "No, I didn't screw up anything."_

"_Then what's that face for?" Garcia prodded, leaning against her friend's desk. "I take it's not because Emily took it so well that you grouped up with Miss Barnes during the case and that you tried to ease her grief after hours, too."_

"_Baby girl," Derek used her favorite nickname but his tone was warning._

"_Don't baby-girl me, Derek Morgan. You are playing with Em's feelings here and while I'm really sorry for that woman's loss, she should find somebody else to help her. You have your commitments and it's not with her."_

"_Are you done?" She nodded. "Good. And now listen to me, Penelope. I'm the last one who wants to play with Emily's feelings. I would never hurt her. Never," he stressed his point. "And I know very well that it's not my place to be there for Tamara but she has no one else. I just can't turn my back on her," he explained. "As for Emily, she didn't say a word to me about this," he said then added to himself with a frown, "I didn't even see her yesterday night."_

"_You didn't?" Garcia's voice hitched and Derek shrugged. "But you are practically living together, right?" He nodded. "And she spent the night at her place."_

"_I guess so."_

"_That's not good," Garcia said, shaking her head._

"_What? She just spent a night at her place. It's not a big deal."_

"_And yet here you are wondering what's up with her." She caught him at that one. "You know that something's wrong."_

_Derek shrugged again._

"_It's just that we haven't spent a night apart for months. We're always going home together or she's coming over. It just felt weird without her."_

"_Have you ever tried talking to her?"_

"_About what?"_

"_About your relationship, genius," Garcia rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "Where are you standing?"_

"_Well, we're together."_

"_Oh God, give me patience," the woman sighed. "Are you living together?"_

"_You said it yourself. We're practically living together."_

"_Practically. Did you ask her to move in with you?" she asked then held up a hand, effectively cutting the dark profiler off. "You know what? Don't answer that. My guess is that you just assumed that she'd already had a key so why ask. And anyway, over the months her things seemed to get over to your place and she seems so comfortable at your place so why ask," she expertly sketched the situation and when she saw the blank look on her friend's face, she let out a deep sigh. "God, men and their thick skulls."_

"_You really lost me here, Garcia."_

"_Then put it this way: I have a key to your apartment – and I feel pretty comfy there, too –, Reid has a key to your apartment… even Rossi has a key to your apartment. Are you following me?"_

_For a long moment there was no answer coming from Derek and it didn't seem, either, that he had understood her but then he suddenly shot up from his seat and hastily grabbed his jacket._

"_Gotta go, baby girl," he said already halfway out of the door but then he suddenly stopped and turned back. "Thanks, moma," he pressed a kiss onto Garcia's forehead before disappearing._

**CM CM CM**

_When Emily opened her door, she came face to face with a huge bouquet of flowers._

"_Ugh," she stepped back surprised and peeped behind it where the sight of a sheepish looking Derek greeted her. _

"_Looks like somebody feels the need for a profound apology," she remarked taking the bouquet from him._

"_Well, yeah," Derek scratched the back of his neck but didn't elaborate any further._

_Emily gave him an amused smile then stepped closer to place a light kiss on his lips. "Apology accepted," she whispered. "For whatever you might have done," she added before turning and walking inside her apartment._

_Looking for a vase, she completely missed the confused look that appeared on Derek's face as he stepped in after her and closed the door behind him._

"_You are not angry at me," his uncertain remark sounded more like a question as he watched Emily put the vase with the bouquet on the dining table._

"_Should I be?" she turned to him with raised eyebrows and arms crossed on her chest. Derek had the feeling that she knew what he was talking about but was letting him stew._

"_No…" he started then changed his mind. "I mean I don't know. It's just that… I assumed…" he stuttered then let out a frustrated sigh before getting to the point. "You didn't spend last night at my place."_

"_So you noticed," Emily said bemused._

"_Emily…" Derek started explaining the situation but Emily cut him off._

"_It's all right, Derek."_

"_It is? You are not jealous?"_

"_Should I be?" Emily asked again and found Derek's expression quite amusing._

"_Damn, woman," he shook his head frustrated. "You're confusing me."_

"_No. You're confusing yourself," Emily pointed out, laughing, then went to stand in front of him. "Answering your questions," she started looking up at him while her hands took hold of the edges of his jacket. "Which were quite vague, I must add. Am I angry at you because you paid too much attention to Miss Barnes? I'm really not… annoyed, maybe, but not angry," she shared. "I'm more like worried but I trust you to handle the situation accordingly. As for being jealous of her, hell, yes," she admitted, "I am… but I know you, Derek Morgan, and I know that you'd never cheat on me. Not until you break this thing off with me," here she stopped and regarded him with narrowed eyes. "You didn't come here to dump me, did you?"_

_Derek laughed out relieved and pulled her close. "Not a chance, Princess. Not a chance."_

"_Good," Emily smiled. "And now come on in already. You are acting like being in a stranger's apartment stopping in the doorway and waiting for an invitation," she petted him on the chest before turning and entering the adjacent living room._

"_Well, actually, that is something I wanted to talk to you about," Derek said as he hung his jacket._

"_What? Your not feeling at home in my apartment?" she asked as Derek joined her on the couch._

"_Partly… I mean, we don't really spend much time here."_

"_That's mostly because I really hate when you shot out of bed in an ungodly hour just because it occurred to you that you forgot to take out Clooney."_

"_I have a solution for that problem," He offered._

"_Really?"_

"_Why don't we move in together? We don't have to make a big deal out of it. I mean, you've already got most of your staff at my place… and you have a key, too. Of course, that means nothing… Rossi has a key, too…" he mused then focused on Emily when she laughed out._

"_You talked to PG," she stated amused._

"_Is that a bad thing?" Derek asked apprehensively. "I'm not asking you because of her. I kind of assumed that we live together already. She just pointed out that you may not be assuming the same thing. I just thought that we should stop assuming."_

"_Derek Morgan, for a ladies' man you really suck at this staff."_

"_I'm not a ladies' man. I'm your man," he gave her a charming smile._

"_But you sure know how to sweet talk," she pointed out._

"_And that never got me anywhere with you," his smile became gentler as he remembered all the time he had tried to sweet talk Emily into something… in vain._

"_Maybe that's your lucky day," Emily gave him mysterious look and Derek's eyes lit up._

"_Is that a yes then?"_

"_Well, I kind of assumed, too, that we're living together…" she admitted somewhat sheepishly, "No matter in which apartment."_

"_Then why didn't you come home last night?"_

"_Well, yeah… about last night…" Emily started hesitantly. "I sat down with Rossi and Hotch for a glass of whiskey in the office and it kind of got out of hand."_

"_Out of hand?"_

"_Yeah," Emily sighed, rolling her eyes at herself. "We drained the bottle," she confessed sheepishly. "I just didn't want to barge in on you in the middle of the night. You know I'm a happy drunk. I didn't want to put you in that situation."_

"_That's a load of bullshit, Emily. That's what living together means. And anyway, I don't see what the big deal's about it. I've already seen you wasted," Derek observed regarding Emily. "Okay, what's the deal?" he asked finally. "If it were about you being drunk, I shouldn't have looked for you here tonight," he raised a questioning eyebrow, knowing that he caught Emily on that one._

"_All right," Emily sighed, pushing her hair behind her ears. "Here's the deal… I knew that you couldn't just let this whole Miss Barnes thing go, even if we closed the case. So I thought that I'd give you some space… you know, to deal with it without feeling pressured by me."_

"_Why would I feel pressured, Emily?"_

"_You tell me," Emily said. "It's not me who showed up at my door step with puppy dog eyes and an apology. That's what I wanted to avoid – you feeling bad about helping another woman."_

"_You're an incredible woman, Emily Prentiss," Derek took hold of her hand._

"_But, Derek, be careful," she continued. "Don't make her think that you're the answer to her problems."_

"_I know," he nodded. "I'll deal with it," he reassured her then put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "In the meantime," he continued as Emily settled into his arms. "You can start packing up this apartment because there is no way you can hide here next time you think I need space. Rest assured that I'll let you know when I need it," he said then looked down at Emily when he could hear her exhale a heavy sigh. "What?"_

"_Nothing," Emily shook her head with a sad smile. "It's just strange to think that we lived together for eight years without much misunderstanding and now, sometimes it feels awkward to guess what you're thinking, what you need."_

"_Guess it was easier to adjust when we were younger," Derek agreed. "But we'll get to it, Emily. It just takes time…"_

"… _and talking," Emily added._

"_It's all right. What matters is that you're here."_

"_It's good to be here."_

**TBC**

_Thanks for reading!_


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